My back is taut with it. My worst fears realised. It is a small thing, but to me it is massive. Such are phobias I suppose. And needs. And the fixing of needs onto things. It has all be up-ended, too much change. Small things to anyone else but to me huge. I need to go through it all, make sense of it for myself and breathe. Breathe through it. It is the not understanding. It has always been so. A white sky, empty. I will come through this. This tiny thing, this huge thing and be stronger, more steady. He is kind. Always. I am shrinking.