Making

It was a beautiful morning as I walked. The sea was lapping gently. People were about, the clubs, post-Sunday-bank holiday, were still open, booming music throbbing from their doors. Couples meandered along the Prom, girls walking barefoot with their shoes in the hands. A group of students encircled a bonfire that was still blazing on North Beach. I drew in the smell – charcoal, wood smoke and a faint miasma of barbecues. Being on the Perygyl was gorgeous, just standing there looking at the yellow moon, almost full, I felt at peace for all the jangling in my mind. I can separate myself. My back is tight from fear, but I can still smell the warm air and appreciate the stillness. As I walked back along the wooden slats (how I love the feel of my footsteps on the soft boards) I wondered why the yellow moon doesn’t give off the same light as a white one. It is fine. It was fine. I take what is given. It is light.

Too much to do – cleaning then work then shopping – and I do want to make a start on the quilt. It is a gift. I don’t know yet how to make it but if I start the fear of failure will lessen. Be easy on yourself. One step at a time.

He is nice, a gentleman. We talk about what he is to discuss. The Irish Referendum. About slavery. About the way men have oppressed women’s bodies. A pause for thought ending with a 17th century Welsh hymn. He translates it for me. Lovely, thoughtful, a good man, I think.

She’s trying to lose weight. A stone and a half so far. I hadn’t noticed, he had. He was kind about it. I’m not eating bread, she said. Oh, do you miss the smell? Absolutely.

I dreamt of him. I’d had such a longing for him and thought I wouldn’t see him all day as I had to work. And then he just came through the door looking stunning, beautiful. It’s only 5.45 am, I said, delighted but surprised. Then I woke. It made me think. See what I have. Such love. Such kindness, such cherishing. I am blessed.

I must go. Just a short one today. Breathe. All will get done. Now and always. x