I went out in the rain (with two coats on). I try to find good things about it, such as the sound of the pitter pat on my umbrella, and the smell of the air, fresh, clean and cold but still it gets tedious. One finds oneself trudging. The Pelican Bakery was omitting some lovely smells of bread as I walked past but this was annihilated by the breath of young woman stinking of drink. She was drunk, and lurching. A student, I would guess by her insufficient clothing and no wet weather gear. Bless her, bless them. They are too young for such excess. And to be out alone. Do their families know what they get up to? This town is generally a safe one, but I ache for them.
I’m to see the doctor today and mostly I worry that he will think me a time-waster. It’s a malaise, a general malaise. I wish I’d left it alone, all it does is make him fret. It would be nice to be fit again but if it isn’t to be then so be it. I can manage.
I went out to draw yesterday afternoon despite the threat of showers. It was magnificent – the clouds, the wind, the sharp thrown light. But my drawings were not so. I tried, and that is enough. I’m still trying to find my way with the materials and what to include and what to leave out. He is supportive and celebratory. What would I do without him? What will I do?
