I’m still being floored by it. I think about Joan Halifax’s meditations around pain, go into it, she advises, feel it, own it. I shall endeavour to do the same with my fear of the systems that LBU has in place. To me they are impenetrable. There are so many layers. I cannot navigate myself around them. I am hemmed in. To paraphrase Rilke, all about me is stone. Ask for help, he says. And I will. Though from whom, I don’t, as yet, know.
I walk into the rain in the dark. Another fear. I dress up for it. Layers of waterproofing that are heavy to heave around in. I do it. That is enough for today.
My body has had enough of oranges. It is time to return the comfort of warm food and tea. Soon. Another few days?
