I worry about doing it, as I worry about most things. It’s mostly about my interaction with others, particularly those that I am endeavouring to draw. Am I abusing them? Asking too much? Hurting or using them? I give little credence in their ability to say no, to exercise autonomy. They have it and presumably would use it if the situation called for it. I am not that powerful. I know this. So why worry?
I am growing to care for her deeply. I see her vulnerability but also her spirit. She is a force. Frightening at times and yet she is old, frail and disintegrating. Her body is failing, her will remains strong. I relish this chance she and her family have given me to witness her last years, for that they must be. I asked to much yesterday. She was unfazed. I suppose so, she said, adding, What am I supposed to think?
