It was the first time we’d gathered together, albeit virutally, since June (or was it July). I was nervous. I’d lost my fluency, if I’d ever had it. I was tongue-tied and hoping that we wouldn’t have to do another introduction round. We didn’t. I asked a few questions, or at least made some comments and felt such a fool doing so. I didn’t make myself clear and came across as woolly and incoherent. Sara Maitland writes about having a thin sense of self when she is among other people, and how she tends feel overwhelmed, or even subsumed by them. I know that feeling. My confidence is so brittle and I am too much in awe of what I see as others’ brilliance. I cried afterwards. I felt flayed by it all.
