Accept

I only have ten minutes before I have to leave for work. Ten minutes to check in, to say something, to let loose, to let go, to express. Town was busy with late night clubbers. Do they still call themselves that? Party people, perhaps? All young, well mostly. Many had paired-off. A couple stood on the beach. I saw them below me as I walked along the Prom to the bar. He was very tall with what looked like green hair. She was small with blonde tousled locks. They weren’t talking just standing slightly apart from each other, frozen like a tableau. Just before the Castle I passed another couple. They were sitting on the mini wall that leads up to the Pitch-and-Put. She had her head down and he was talking. I couldn’t catch what was being said. Sometimes I catch it sometimes I don’t.

It’s the Race for Life today. There has been signs warning of its arrival for weeks but there are still cars parked on its route. I saw three or four with yellow laminated signs asking their owners to politely ‘Remove this vehicle’. Will they? Do they care? At least the weather promises nice.

Accept, said a voice in my head as I stood at the end of the Perygyl. I stand there and close my eyes feeling the breeze from the sea on my face and I am content. I could stand there for hours. I could even sleep. I feel safe there. I like the emptiness of just the horizon and the line of the sea. Nothing to distract. Just black, a grey-black really, just before dawn. Liminal. What must I do? What am I meant to do? I ask. Accept. Just accept. Accept what is. What a brave thing. What a tremendously difficult thing. To fall into it, to submit, to embrace the nothingness, the uncertainty, the un-clarity, the stuck-ness, to accept what is.

My dreams are but shadows these last few days. I ask to remember them but they slip through my fingers like gossamer as soon as my alarm sounds. It is the moonless-ness? The dark side of the moon. The secretive, non-revealing side. If so, then so be it. I will wait. I will accept. I will acquiesce.