I am immersed in a book. Even when I am not reading it I am lost within it. It is Mark Doty’s Heaven’s Coast. I began reading it as part of my research for my thesis. It is beautiful. It is beautiful to me. Now. He writes about the loss of his lover, Wally, to AIDS. It is a beautiful vision of dying, of death and of mourning.
I have finished my thesis. I handed it in yesterday. What a weight. What a responsibility. I still carry the memory of its weight. Was it worth it? This last year. The writing through the mourning? Yes. I learnt so much. I crafted poems, stories. I have gained confidence. I wrote a memoir. Incredible. I wrote that. I pinch myself. See what I have done. And yet, the most, the best thing, the wondrous thing was, is, the reading. I am learning to read. To read and write.
Yesterday morning there was a couple in the road, in the rain, waltzing. Later, I saw them kissing.