I keep dreaming about him. I haven’t seen him for years. I loved him once, passionately. And now he keeps cropping up and there is that same hint of nervousness in his company. I’d made him a christmas card and he clearly wasn’t impressed but when he folded it he could see that it was stunning – even I was amazed. It had an image of church or Abbey on the front and it seemed to burn with light.
Do you get jumbly thoughts just before waking? He calls them ‘jumbly thoughts’. I lie there after the alarm has sounded just for a few moments giving my thanks for my warm bed for him and thinking of the day ahead and sometimes I doze slightly. This morning, in that pre-waking doze this sentence came in: “with this chasing of experiments is there any…?”
He comes back from his walk with videos that he’s taken on his phone of the shooting snowdrops. He is delighted with them and wants to show me. I look at them as I prepare supper and hear the twittering of the birds and see his shadow on the ground. What a joy he is.