I’ve never known how to be with friends. I’ve never known how much to give, to expect and to hold back. I suppose this uncertainty covers most of my relationships, not just friendships. He is the only one with whom I am truly myself. He sees it all. He knows it all. And he still loves me. I know this. His love is the only one that I really trust. Not that I think people are inherently untrustworthy, its just that I know that I give truly to him and that he knows this and returns the same. There is anger towards those to whom I wish to be more intimate, and yet, if they demanded more of me I might run a mile. How can they know that I have such a longing to be known while staying unknown and private and separate. I keep it back, all this. It is illogical and, at times, rather ugly. The fault is mine. I am sorely ragged.
