It came back after months of being out there in the ether. She’d told me she wouldn’t pay the fee so they returned it with three REFUSED stickers on the front. Refused written in black on yellow labels. Yellow and black like wasps. So I’ll have another go but via a more circuitous route. She can always put it away in a drawer. All that love.
I cried a lot yesterday. He kept pushing me to explain. It was hard but he was trying to help me to see what I was doing to myself. I project, you see, all those fears of judgement onto those I see as authority figures. Those dreadful panel of judges that I carry around in my head. I’ve had enough. I am tired out by it all. And he was the last straw. We will finish it this morning and I shall submit it. And then let it go. What will be will be.
