White Rabbit

My waking day is topsy-turvy. By this time, 6.27 am precisely, I’ve been up for over five and half hours. This isn’t a bragging thing, I’m not trying to impress, just explain. That being so by the afternoon I am dog-tired. So having a booking at work for 5.30 floors me. It is all wrong. My body, my soul does not want to go out of that door. I do it. It is my living. But it sends me awry. Supper is later and I am in bed way after my usual time and then I lie there, like I did last night, wide-awake and staring. I woke again at 10.30 had a pee and tried to get back to sleep. It took what seemed like hours. Just enjoy lying in the warmth, I told myself, sleep isn’t important. But I want to go. Too much going on my head. Too much.

It wasn’t a victory. It isn’t. I derive no pleasure or exultation from forcing the issue. What now? Will we speak again?

I knew I slept for I remember fragments of dream. I had found what I thought was a mouse in a food cupboard. I wanted to just leave it, couldn’t face it but I persevered telling myself that I could put it in the food recycling box. However, when I came to pull it out it was in fact a white rabbit (it was it’s nose that I’d seen). A white rabbit in a white paper bag. I yanked it from the bag. It was enormous. A great, fat, plush, pink-eared rabbit. And perfectly healthy. Then I remembered that I’d known about it all along. But what about it’s food? I hadn’t been feeding it. But it was well, and searching through the cupboard I found lots of food for it. A cat jumped out too. Another fat, well-preserved animal. Yet, it seemed that I already had a cat and it spoke to me on the arrival of these two newcomers. Aw, it said, looking up at me with disdain, what about me? Then a gang of people started to flood into my flat and I worried about leaving the animals to their own devices. Will they eat each other? I was carried along and out with the crowd of people, forgetting my keys and phone in the process. Did I lock up? What of the animals? Then I was in an underground car park trying to call him without a phone. The rest is lost.

The online┬ádream dictionaries all regard white rabbits as good omens, symbols of luck. I’m due some. Yes please. And this moon apparently is a Virgo moon. Nice one.

She is a beauty. She lit my way this morning. Almost full. Full tomorrow I think. The end of chapter apparently. Yes, it is.

I wish her love. Always.

By Ellen Bell

Artist and writer currently living in Aberystwyth.