I woke from a dream about shoes, though the detail has since been lost. He was in there, but whether the shoes were mine or his I cannot tell. His friend emailed him to say thank you for the video we made for his 75th. In his email he talked of the 5 happiest times of his life – he was in a few, I think. Maybe 2. I thought about the times I’ve been happiest as I mopped and hoovered the flat. It’s a tough one. They are not distinct moments as such but periods of time, mostly on holiday and sometimes on my own. They are mostly of the latter years. And times when my fretting was less. Times in the sun mostly. I miss it, that heat. It makes everything clearer.

I would’ve meant more if he’d got my name right.

By Ellen Bell

Artist and writer currently living in Aberystwyth.